The-Contract

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No strength to rant today + the story is long enough anyways So….
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I stood and admired my work like I always admired all my contracts, I felt like an artist, I had another contract later in the day but before then I had n appointment with a therapist…….

I left for my appointment with my therapist for 9am so I rounded up with what I was doing and headed towards the office, I got in and saw a blonde secretary smile sheepishly at me, I flirted a little with her, but just then the buzzer sounded as she rushed into the therapist’s office to prepare me for my turn, leaving me and her unfinished cup of coffee ……….

I walked in and studied the rather large man with a big looking diary, he motioned me to the couch, I walked towards it and lay on it….

Therapist …… so what’s your name??

Me …….  My name is Blake doc, can I call u doc?

Therapist … (starts scribbling in his book) yes doc is fine Blake

Me ……. Okay then

Therapist ……. Try making yourself as comfortable as possible…

Me…. Alright Doc

Therapist ……..  Okay good, so what exactly is the problem Blake?

Me ……..  I don’t know, but everybody says I am weird

Therapist ….. Weird why??

Me ……….  I think it it’s because of the way my situation is messing with me, maybe it’s because my line of work is supposed to make me hardened, and I consider myself too cool for such shenanigans….

Therapist …….. Your situation?? What is your line of work?

Me ……..  Yes heartbreak, sadness and all the likes, you see my life was going smoothly as it was, before I met her, and I think my meeting her was fate’s way of teaching me a lesson. My routine was going so smoothly until she came in, and everything spewed out of control….. Oh yeah I am a contractor…

Therapist … (scribbling) she?

Me ………. Yes she, let me tell you a little about her, she was perfection, at least she was perfectly everything I wanted, she could do no wrong in my eyes, I heard stories that somewhere in the world every man had his female version, someone who made everything seem so perfect, someone who made everything easy, and luckily for me I think I found mine………

Therapist ……… I see, keep going Blake.

Me……….. I was way taller than she was and even though I liked tall girls, her beauty was way taller than I or any other tall girl could ever be, she had deep blue eyes that seemed to study the deeper meaning behind things, she was a little proud just like I was, she was smart and could hold her end even during an intellectual argument without any hassle, she laughed at my jokes and teased me when I wasn’t funny, and yes she made me have a good laugh once in a while, we could tell each other even the weirdest things and it never got awkward, she wasn’t mushy like I was, and she dealt with things practically, she laughed when I was becoming too mushy, she was different from others doc, but something drew me close to her and at the end Doc she was everything I wanted, everything I needed, and she made me want to try to become a better person ……….

Therapist ……… quite a lady I suppose…

Me …….. Yes she was one in a Zillion Doc, did I mention her voice?

Therapist ……. No you did not, what about it Blake??

Me ……… damn, she had the nicest voice I ever heard, I could have listened to it over and over again, I could listen to her talk without end, her voice made me melt with happiness every time I heard it, it could make the angriest man smile in awe after hearing it, I always wondered why she wasn’t in a choir or a popular singer, I even have her voice recorded as my ring-tone and message tune, would you like to hear it??

Therapist …….. #finally looks up from his book…. he lets out a chuckle# No that wouldn’t be necessary…

Me …….. Okay doc, but you are missing out…..

Therapist ……. #holds in another chuckle…. Okay then, so if she was so perfect, what happened??

Me ……….. Well everything was going fine until the arguments really started; we literally started bickering and disagreeing about silly things, it was becoming tedious and we realized our opinions about things were different from each other’s……

Therapist ……… (Scribbling) okay, opinions about things like?

Me …… well Doc opinions about life, she judged me based on them, even thou I was just trying to be honest and give her a realistic point of view… she had to judge me based on that, she started thinking I was weird…..

Therapist ……….. Hmmm, don’t you think your opinions make you who you are??

Me …. Ha-ha …. You are beginning to sound just like her doc…..

Therapist …… I see… (Scribbles down) …….. Okay, so what actually happened??

Me ……..  well she was about moving to a different city , and I went over to see her to talk about us, but she laughed and said …..

Therapist….#raises his head…….. She said?

Me ……… she said, there is no longer any us….

Therapist …… ouch….wow, I see… so what happened next?

Me ………..  Well I was obviously in shock, and asked her since when and she couldn’t give me any reasonable reply…..
She told me she was only taking the logical step….. And that she was only being practical, doc she said i was weird and I told her we could try, I could change and I was going to be a better person….

Therapist …. Okay, keep going ……

Me ………. But she said it was pointless, with her moving and everything, I told her I was willing to fight for it to work, but she said it was pointless and she wasn’t willing to fight for anything, she even told me to go and look for someone who was willing to fight for me……

Therapist …………oh okay, I see, keep going……..

Me ……… well I tried making her see reason with me, but she said I was too weird for her, so why extend a relationship that was already doomed?  She said

Therapist …. # scribbling ….. Keep going

Me ….. Well after I tried without any result, I used my trump card

Therapist ……… your trump card?

Me…..  Yes Doc, with just the right amount of tears in my eyes I said; but I love you!!! She looked at me and smiled and replied; Babe I love you too but sometimes love is not enough!!!! I was so devastated Doc, well that was when it happened

Therapist …. (Looks up) … when what happened…

Me ….. Well doc I snapped when I realized she wasn’t going to reason with me….

Therapist …. (Now giving me his full attention) ….. You snapped?

Me …. Ha-ha doc, yes I did, you see, I hate losing things I love, I wasn’t going to let her leave me, so immediately she said that I got up and stabbed her on the shoulder with the kitchen knife as she screamed in pain..!!

Therapist …. You stabbed her!!! He asked incredulously

Me …… ha-ha. Doc, stabbing her was the least painful part….. But when I broke her fingers one after the other, that was ecstatic, it was pure art, and surprisingly I loved it….

Therapist …. Visibly worried# okay, okay, ummm, I think your time is up he said….
The therapist searched for his phone as I showed it to him,

Me …… Doc, relax I took it off you a long time ago…..i was…..#my phone rings…. Cutting me off…

#The therapist jumped at my ringtone …. It was the sound of a lady screaming, no more like screeching painfully; with the words please don’t kill me…..

Therapist ……….. wha…whaa..t was that??

Me ……. Ha-ha, doc did I not tell you I used her voice as my ring tone?? Any way that was the last time I heard the lovely voice, I knew I wasn’t gonna be able to hear her voice again, so I saved it so I could replay it forever….

Therapist …. You are crazy!!!! There is something fundamentally wrong with you….

Me …….ha-ha…yes I know doctor, I have being told…..

Therapist ……. (Screaming at the top of his voice for his secretary)…. Sussy, Sussy …help

Me …. Doc, calm down, Sussy is probably dead; I dumped a little something in her drink before I came in…..

The therapist tried running for the door and looks at me in fear as I moved swiftly towards him, he was about screaming again when I jabbed his throat twice, he coughed and spewed out some blood as he gagged in pain.

I grabbed his head and whispered in his ears….thank you doc, I am glad I was finally able to rant to someone about my situation …but Doc I think relationships are overrated, I pine for her every single day, but don’t you think sometimes, just sometimes love is enough???
He looked at me in fear, nodding his head, trying to speak, as if he was trying to agree with me; I watched him in amusement, and with all the force I could muster, I dug my stiletto ( Note- A stiletto is a knife or dagger with a long slender blade and needle-like point, primarily intended as a stabbing weapon-#source -Wikipedia and yes don’t say I didn’t teach you stuffs) in his jugular before he could give an answer…..

Just then my phone rang again….  I picked up and heard a voice ask… is it done?? And I replied yes just the way you wanted, make sure the money is paid in full I said, as I cut off the call… I admired my work once more before I left……. I was a contractor, I just fulfilled the terms of my contract, even though I was heart-broken,  this particular one made me feel alive, it felt good finally talking to someone about it, …..I laughed in amusement as I wondered why in my weird mind I believed that sometimes love was enough……

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Diana

I stared at her with teary eyes as she dropped the money on the table. This is half of my pocket money she said, just get some foodstuffs and use the rest for your transport, I will be fine and I know you will get the job tomorrow. I believe in you.  I will ask my dad for more she said.

For once in a very long time, I was ashamed and confused; Okay granted I was a bit handsome, tall and funny but asides that I had no inkling as to why she stayed with me. I was an orphan, living in a shabby lone room apartment, with no freaking job, and before you start thinking I haven’t tried, let me tell you a bit of how I got where I was.



I have begged, struggled and done every mundane job you could ever think of, but for some reason I haven’t been able to break even. I lost my parents when I was precisely 15.

Exactly on my 15th birthday, they were on their way to pay me a surprise visit in school along with my twin sisters, when they had a break failure. They car crashed unto a truck and exploded.

The sad part was that even their ashes could not be salvaged. It was a devastating period for me, understandably none of my relatives wanted me because to them, I was the worst kind of luck.

I was left to fend for myself, as I carried the baggage in believing I was bad luck. All that changed when I met her, her name was Diana, and she became my own good luck. I was working as a school bus driver when I saw her walking by; thankfully I was done dropping off students. Usually I don’t chase girls cos you know, I have no money and all, and really I wasn’t just interested.

But when I saw her walking down, our eyes met for a brief moment and the look she gave me made it feel everything was going to be fine, for that brief moment it became clear, for that brief moment it seemed everything was actually fine, she looked away as I moved on. I made an internal decision to go after her, regardless of the outcome, I mean how many girls were going to listen to a bus driver?

I found a suitable place to park as I ran back to where she walked towards, thankfully she moved slowly, I caught up with her as I tapped her to ask for her number, damn her hands felt so soft, I sized her up briefly, and I really noticed how pretty she was, as I considered there was no way she was going to give me her number, she had dark brown eyes, which were catlike when u look closely, eyes that never lied. Her lips?  Dear heavens, so, so pink and perfectly shaped. Damn I could have kissed her there.

She got me out of my trance when she asked; how may I help you? I realized her voice could melt even the rockiest of hearts, it was so sweet it instantaneously built a lump around my throat, I cleared up my clogged throat and I asked for her number, she looked at me with interest and asked for my name, Daniel I said. She looked at me for a few more minutes as she briefly smiled, damn her smile was appealing, she looked at me with that smile and said No, as she began walking away.

Common I said, I assure you I won’t become a stalker. I am also a very good conversationalist. She looked at me and replied: Okay then, open up your ears, I won’t call it out more than once. 080——. The way I crammed that number was amazing. If only I was that intelligent in school.

After that, the rest was a breeze. We spoke sparingly at first, then sparingly became every minute. Every minute became every hour, till she became an immovable part of my day. I realized we had a lot of things in common. In fact, we were simply the same person, the only difference was that she was a girl. Obviously after that, falling in love became extremely easy. Damn I love this woman”



Babe. Babe.. Babe.. I heard a familiar voice say as I came out of my mini dream. I looked at this girl who had nothing but love and perhaps sadness in her eyes for me. Perhaps I was not meant to understand why she did love me. All I knew was, I needed to make it right. I needed to make her happy and even if it kills me, she is mine to care for.

She came close and kissed me as she took her leave. Damn, those lips, they never changed. I saw her off and began brainstorming. I needed this job. There was no way I was going to keep living off the woman I love. I had to make her proud and happy.

The interview day was the usual, I left feeling dejected. Like what kind of bad luck do I even have? Diana kept calling even while I was in there. I presumed it was to see how it went, but I was too dejected to pick up. Almost before I got home, another number called. Damn Diana, so resilient a woman. I am sure she realized I was avoiding her. Sigh, why the hell does she love me so??

I picked the call and heard the voice of someone else. Hello, am I on to Daniel? Ye-Yes, you are I managed to mumble. The voice at the other end said, you just came for an interview at our office and I am glad to tell say you were the best candidate we had. The salary is JUST 300k without allowance. Is that fine by you?  At this point I could barely hear anything else but my heartbeat.  I managed to mumble a Yes and hear the remainder of the conversation. I was to begin the next week.

Imagine my Joy. I rushed to call Diana, She would be so elated. Finally, she gets to enjoy her effort. It rang for longer than usual before a cold male voice responded.

Who is this I said? He replied, you are Daniel I presume? Yes, I muttered and for a minute I could hear the silence at the other end. I guess Diana did not tell you he said? Tell me what I replied?

He said in a stone cold voice with just a glint of pain, I am her father, Diana was suffering from a terminal illness. She passed on this morning, I believe she tried to reach out to you, she held on as long as she could to speak to you……….

 

Learn to cherish the ones by your side because in as quick as a second it can all change and you would be alone – Peter 2018

MY-PREDICAMENT

*uses flamethrower to clear up the cobwebs on here *
And Boom… I am back

Happy New Year people, Merry Xmas in arrears,  happy birthdays to those I missed, happy Easter in advance and yes I still exist.
So I have been MIA and for those that didn’t notice.. Biko ignore and move on.
Anyways I wrote one post recently and you can check it out on the Tecno forum link below –
TECNO FORUM

And just because I know some of y’all are too lazy to go read there, I am still gonna be benevolent enough to share here,  so read, comment and enjoy.

Where were you on the 4th of September? The prosecuting lawyer asked her again, the woman being prosecuted looked to the floor with misty eyes as people began to whisper in court, the judge angrily stomped with his hammer screaming Order, order, explaining how he was going to charge us with contempt and clear the court, he faced the woman and said angrily, answer the question please.

She looked up at him again and faced the audience, those piercing eyes of hers located mine and for a brief moment I saw a little sign of happiness, then disappointment, and finally understanding and with a teary eye she faced the floor as she had no reply for the judge. 

The prosecuting lawyer said with a smile, No further questions your honour, as he went back to his seat. People wondered as to why she refused to answer the question, she was being charged for murder and she had pleaded not guilty, she said she wasn’t home when her husband died, but she didn’t have an alibi as to where she was, neither did she agree to tell anyone where she was, and this screamed guilt. 

You see everyone else wondered where she was, but I knew, she was with me that night, and I remember because it was the only night we ever spent together completely.

I wanted to stand up and defend her, but you see the situation was more complex than it seemed. You see, I happen to be a married man, and my wife was beside me in court, if it were just my marriage at stake, I would have gotten up without hesitation, But I was also a pastor, in fact I was the general overseer of one of the largest churches, the woman on trial was the head usher of my church, and that was why the court was filled up to the brim, because most of our members came to show support for her, but what they didn’t all know was the fact that I committed adultery with this woman, and her name was Rosa.

I drifted in thought as to how it all begun, you see I wasn’t a bad looking person, I know how I toiled to get my church to where it was, I got married at the age of 25, and I never looked back once, my wife was beautiful in her own right, but we were not in love, well I wasn’t, but she was a good support system and she toiled with me to achieve my goals, and through thick and thin we persevered and 30years later I had one of the biggest churches in the country. 

I had temptations here and there from women because of my position, but I never for once faltered , till this year, just once and now it’s back to bite me.

I normally counselled couples, and divorcees every weekend, people booked appointments ahead especially when they had issues in marriages and in life generally.

In doing this I have heard a lot of stories, most times more than I can handle, but the lord gave me strength to not judge, to listen and to give valuable advice especially to the big wigs in the society who attended my church. 

One day as I was given my usual list of people by my secretary, I saw her name on my list and I grew inquisitive because I saw stated there that she was also our head usher, I never notice those things because overtime it was hard to keep count of all members, and we had to delegate these, I asked my secretary to send her in, as I continued reading my bible, when she came in, the mild whiff of strawberry was the first thing I perceived, I love strawberry by the way. 

I looked up expecting to see a moderately old woman but what I saw had me taken aback, for the first time in years I actually looked at a woman, she was tall, I used to love tall girls, she wore a loose blouse but that couldn’t hide how defined her body was as I was still able to pan out her well defined features, my heart skipped as I looked at her face, she had deep blue cat eyes, eyes that looked like they understood my every move, her hair moved almost like in slow-motion as the industrial air condition blew in her direction , my lord she had very long hair, I was about to speak when I looked at her lips, and that weakened me as I lost my voice. 

The tension in the air was so obvious, anyone who came into the office at that moment would have believed we were having an affair, with a little struggle I forced my voice out as I told her to sit.

She started speaking about her issues but believe me I couldn’t concentrate, the room became hotter than it was as I stared at her, I couldn’t hear anything except my heartbeat and my breathing pattern, dear lord why did you make women so pretty, I don’t know how long I must have stared but I only came to when she said she was done, I didn’t hear anything per say so I told her to come again tomorrow as I would know what to do. 

I prayed that night for strength to do and say the right thing. 

She came over the next day and I tried to listen this time, basically she felt nothing for her husband whom she married because she got pregnant, and after the marriage she had a miscarriage. 

Her husband changed after that and he definitely made her suffer because he didn’t want to get married either as they were both forced by their parents who didn’t want to be the laughing stock of the community. 

So here was a broken sexy and sensuous Christian woman in a bad relationship with a battered mind. 

This world wasn’t fair I wondered, good people always suffered.

I advised her and gave her my personal number to call me at any time if she had issues. That was my mistake because as she walked out of my office, I knew I had fallen. 

Over the following weeks, I kept looking for her anytime I was in the auditorium, but I resisted the urge to send my secretary to find her. 

I saw her in my dreams, I saw her figure everywhere, I prayed about it, but I knew I wanted to be with her, I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to hold her and tell her it was alright. 

One day I got a call, and immediately I heard her voice I knew who it was, she was in tears as she told me what had happened, her husband beat her up and locked her out, she was scared, it was 1am, she had no one else to call, she had no friends, her husband saw to that. 

I dressed up and took one of the cars, it was a 1hour drive, I found her sitting close to a gutter in tears, my heart bled for her as I picked her up, I hugged her and she cried to her satisfaction, on my arms, for a moment no one said anything, no one spoke, I could hear her heart beat thou, it was steady, then it became fast as I could feel the warmth from her body, I could smell strawberry, oh how I loved strawberry, still no one spoke, I let her off my embrace and I asked to go lodge her in an hotel as I needed to get back home and she nodded, her hair was in disarray as some of it covered her face, I used my hands to brush them aside, and then I saw the lips, oh how I wanted to kiss those lips, but again I resisted, my heart cried, I wanted her, I needed her but I kept those evil desires in check 

I found a decent hotel and lodged her into the best suite.,I made sure she was comfy and was about heading out when I felt her hand hold mine, I looked back at her as she murmured a thank you and hugged me, I could feel her heart beat unsteadily, both our hearts making a tune together, I wanted her badly, and I was at my limit, she looked at me with those blue eyes and told me no man had ever been nice to her, and her eyes became teary, that was where I broke as I gently pulled her close and kissed her, she didn’t resist, I wanted to stop but I couldn’t, and before I knew what happened we were on the bed as we continued till we both cried in ecstasy.

When we were done no one said a thing, and again I saw understanding in her eyes, she said thank you as we both dressed up, it was 7am already, we both didn’t get much sleep, I decided to go drop her home, and help her speak to her husband, we got to the front of her house and a few moments later a few tough looking mobile policemen came out of the house and arrested her.

I drifted out of thought as I heard the prosecuting lawyer saying how guilty she was and how she killed her husband, this woman was willing to go to jail for me and probably be hung, this was the only woman I LOVED no matter how brief it was, I was the only one who could save her but she was giving me the choice to have a life, the choice to live my life, she understood my predicament, and she didn’t even involve my name, I was her perfect alibi, I could set her free, and yet she was going to die, in my books that was Loyalty the only thing almost as great love and before I could stop myself, asif controlled by my body and souI, damning all the repercussions got up screaming at the top of my lungs……

I OBJECT!!!!!

Alicia- Part Twoish

No rants today …if u missed the previous episode click the link below
alicia part oneish
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Henry … hold on let me buy you another drink

Okay okay fine, lemme continue

Well i started trying to become the man i once was, it was a tedious endeavour but the thing is when you have an epiphany even if just once, you realize and begin to understand how stupid you were before then.

I finally played the game, she became my game. My first point of call was getting rid of everything Alicia, I rearranged my house, took out all those disgusting female deco that made the house ooze of her presence, moved all her shit to a spare room then called up one of my former girlfriends, we partied hard and one thing led to another..

That little chain of  events got me my esteem back to an extent, and from there things became a roller coaster ride, well obviously she noticed the changes…

Henry let me skip a bit, you know even the women who are players end up falling for a guy, well you just have to outplay the player

Henry – I see…. what happened next?

I made her leave the other dude obviously, i didn’t even want to know who the freak he was and before she knew what was up she was eating from my palms.. she genuinely fell for me, and i made her feel like she was the only woman in the world, I made her feel like perfection, the emotional connection we had was unbreakable, I treated her like the queen she deserved to be and at the same time I became her man, rather the Man

The egoistic man that could be mistaken for a misogynist who had taken over gave her a seductive smile as I knelt down to ask her to marry me, I could see the genuine joy in her eyes when she said yes…. I realized every one could change, revenge was pointless and I saw I really loved this woman just as much as she loved me.

We started preparations for the wedding, boy those things are tedious. Her family agreed to sponsor the wedding, from the food, to invitation of guests and so on, all I had to get for Alicia was a unique wedding gown because I never wanted her to forget our wedding for ever and ever, we planned everything to the tiniest bit.
It was going to be a remarkable union…

Well days went really fast, we hung out the night before our wedding and i just knew this was the woman I loved and I made sure she knew it ….

We parted ways because it was bad luck to see the bride in her dress on the day before she walks up the alter.

By 4am of the wedding day, of our wedding day, the egoistical man I was spoke to me saying it was time; it was time for us to get payback… I got up and took a few things, I needed a vacation anyway, I got my stuff ready and waited to be sure everybody had gathered at the wedding  venue, I reassured everyone I was on my way, then I got into my vehicle and drove to the airport for my long needed vacation..

Henry … wait wait? What happened to Alicia? How about your wedding?

Ha-ha …. Henry are you stupid? Men like me don’t get married, ever.  Why on earth would do you now think I would have gotten married to that manipulative psycho-biatch? It was all part of the plan son, and the money she and I saved aside was very helpful in my vacation….

Henry… wow mehn, you must have had a heart of steel… you seem a bit tipsy, common, let me drop you off at your crib, i will drive while you complete the story, what’s the address?

A secret you should learn is this; with women never use your heart. You are a nice lad you know? I won’t mind showing you the way, you can have as many women as you want if i teach you i said as we headed into the car.

Anyway, at a point i almost felt I could get married to her..

Henry – then why didn’t you?

Well i guess it was just an ego thing, anyway on the day of the wedding after I had left, i called her and told her i hoped she died in misery, and i have never seen her since then, and no i do not care, i have a new girlfriend now and i am very happy..

Henry – aren’t you worried about karma??? *as he parks in front of the house.

Ha-ha henry karma is for the feeble minded, i was her karma, she deserved what she got…he said trying to unfasten his seat belt.

Henry – oh did she by any chance mention her brother?

yeah she did, Moses i presume? Heard he was in jail for murder, stupid family if you ask me… Why? And how do you even know that?

Well says henry, his full name was Moses Baraka Henry, as he pulls out a 12inch stiletto, I just got out last year, and now I would like to complete your story you dumbass.

I was let out a few days before the wedding, she wanted to surprise you that’s why I wasn’t introduced, I was at the venue along with a bunch of other guests when you called my sister, after you dropped the call she collapsed on the alter, she was rushed to the hospital but the force from which she hit her head when she fell made her bleed internally, the doctors tried everything to save her but I guess she didn’t even have the will to live…she didn’t deserve to die, you could have just broken up with her, but no you had to go the extra mile.

I only decided to meet up with you to find out what happened from your end. But it seems you are just a sadistic human.

The man who let his sister die kept looking  at the stiletto as he struggled to unhook the seat belt, he looked like fear was something he had never really experienced, his  pride never let him get scared, he wanted to run, then he figured henry  must have planned it for a while, and just as he was about to start screaming his head off he hears his inner man say, just be a man, we’ve had a good run, we end this with pride. He looks at henry as he smiled in understanding at what he felt he had to do.

Henry looks at the man with a puzzled face, for once he understood what his sister meant by him being an extremely arrogant man, even with death staring at his face, he still stood strong and firm, with a gallant and cocky smile on his face, all pride and no fear like death was just another girl he had to conquer. . .

This made Henry mad, he decided his stupid smile was the first he was getting rid of, he shook his head as he dug the stiletto with precision into his mouth, the man  gagged and spewed out blood as henry  pulled out the stiletto and dug it again with precision, into his stone cold heart…

And even as he lived his final seconds the cockiness in his eyes was all henry could see..

Henry made an angry grunt as he opened the door, pressed a button underneath his seat that let go of the seatbelt and with his legs he pushed the lifeless body to the sidewalk where he felt the man belonged.. And even as he drove off , his rage refused to diminish because all he could see form his rear mirror was the body of a man who stood high and mighty even in death.

Alicia – part oneish

So wassup peeps #slides in excuse as to why I haven’t bin writing # so moving on, it’s precisely 12am and the rain is just starting, thank goodness cos the heat was starting to get to me… Yes  there’s no light obviously, I am still waiting for the change y’all have bin screaming to affect phcn thou… Anyways the title of this one probably has nothing to do with it, and its freakishly long hence the breaking into two parts, I may have gotten rusty but bleeeh ion curr. .soo moving on read the story biko..
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“I will stay, I will be with you, I will make you fall for me, I will cross all your hurdles, I will make it seem u are the only woman on earth with the amount of love I will give u, I will stand by you, then when I am completely certain u have fallen for me , on the day u need me the most, the day you finally decide it’s me you want, and it’s me you can’t do without…
I will leave you hanging dry, i will make sure I shatter your miserable heart into a million pieces u fucking whore from the pit of hell…
And then I will hope you die in misery… and hopefully i shall be watching this happen with glee and utmost joy in my eyes, and when misery does take you, i shall make sure your tombstone clearly states- here lies a stupid b***h.

As I walked around aimlessly towards where she was supposed to be, I started recounting the events that brought me here, she said she was going to be busy with stuff today, she said she was going to call when she was done, I waited and waited but time seemed to have become slower than usual, nay I am not going to call her I said to myself, have some dignity, I used to have self control, I can do this I thought….

I rolled on my bed, I  saw every movie I could but like a magnet being pulled to metal I just had to call her and before I knew what was happening I picked my phone and dialled her number, my heart in my throat as I heard the thump thump, in anticipation of her melodic voice….

The phone rang for a bit and was cut off…. I tried again and her number wasn’t reachable,  I tried and tried again, and I thought to myself , what if she was in trouble? What if she had being kidnapped! What if she was with another man? What if she lied to me!
Dammmn I hated it when I couldn’t hear her voice…

I had to check for myself #No another voice said to me, No not another voice, it was the man I used to be, I heard the cocky. Aggressive and yet subtle voice faintly scream…
Sit down!! You snivelling excuse for a man, she’s fine and she’s playing you, we are better than this, pick your ego up you dumb fuck…

But I was beyond listening, I quickly combed my hair as I ran out the house, I hadn’t even bathed neither did I brush my teeth, it was 5-30pm already, and she said she was gonna call me back by 3 and meet up, that was after I called her by 8am when I woke up…

So hell yh I was tired of waiting, I walked in quick steps and I headed over to where she was meant to be, I called her number on my way there but there was still no answer …

I began to quicken my steps, people looked at me like a demented man bit I was past caring, my baby was probably in danger… I slowed down my steps a bit as I was getting closer to where she was supposed to be editing her documents… I stood opposite like a thief and then I saw her.

I saw her sitting, she wasn’t done yet. A pang of relief passed through me, at least she didn’t lie to me , at least she was being honest, pheeew the feeling was relieving, I quickly ducked as she was about to look towards my direction, Relief swept through me and I felt so stupid for doubting her, I felt so stupid for coming out there..Then I saw the hands on her leg, and I saw her smile as she leaned in to kiss him…

I honestly could have died, I could have rushed in there to cause a scene but the man I once was screamed within me with so much authority that I had to stop #dont you dare go there you Buffon… Let me handle this he said, or rather I said…and I let love go for a second as the egocentric narcissist I used to be take charge…

With a clear eye and thought pattern I brought out my phone and called her number as I looked at her from my vantage point, she looked at her phone, made a funny face, turned the phone to her lover as I read her lips mouth the words.. Arrgh this feminine man won’t let me breathe, the man said something I couldn’t pick up from where I was and they both burst out in laughter…

The man I used to be smiled as he let me take over again, I will handle this he said, this is where I thrive, get yourself up and let’s head home…

Like a broken man, i walked back home And then the thoughts began to come, realizing what I had become, I was whipped, i had become what i never thought i would become in my life… weak pathetic and a useless stalker, this was the height.  She only had to tell me to jump and I would have asked how high. At this moment I could have cried because  the realization hit me and in layman words it meant , I was finished.
I began to drift in thought on my way home as I began to think of the events that got me here… I am a 27year old man and I had being with approximately 200 women before today, and that was when I cleared my slate before I met this woman who wrecked my game… That was approximately 16women per year starting from when I was 15years old.

There was no attachment, I loved only one person throughout my entire life and that person was me, I loved no one else and no I couldn’t care less…I was happy that way and I wasn’t bothered…
The 3rd girl I was with told me I had a massive ego and one day someone was going to wreck it and bring me down.. I only smirked as I said, I have ego as high as a mountain… Even 10dynamytes won’t be enough, that was before I dumped her for her hotter sister…

I thrived on that, I thrived on my ego, and I went with that, I knew nothing could stop me and I could get any gal I wanted anywhere, anytime… The funny thing is, my belief and ego helped me at my work place… I was unstoppable, money wasn’t my problem obviously neither were women…

I met Alicia at a get together, I was driving off and she flagged me down for a ride, she was hot so obviously I decided to drop her off…we talked for a bit and I got her number… From there it was a piece of cake, lol yeah I happen to be  that good.

I always told my gals never to fall for me, I am an ass, and I care about no one… I told Alicia and she was cool with it , that was awkward cos most gals tried to make me fall and care but not Alicia, she did everything differently and before I knew it I was playing to her tune…

I started calling her every day, both mornings and nights till it became more like an addiction, I wanted to see her every -day, and time just seemed to move slowly until I saw her….

Most days I wake up and it’s like something is missing in my life until i speak to her, like a junkie in need of drugs, she became my addiction, this went on for 8months till I forgot who I was. The man i was tried to fight my heart from taking over but mehn I was smashed, I was in love and damn I didn’t give a freak, it was an awesome feeling.
This continued for awhile and I started letting go of things I wouldn’t normally have taken, there was a particular day I called her about 5times but she didn’t pick up, she picked up at the 6th try and when I asked what happened she said she was typing a text and she knew I was gonna call back, so she just let it ring, I could hear my inner man saying #let her go, let her freaking go, but hell I didn’t care.. i didn’t listen, and gradually i stopped hearing him speak altogether.

She started ignoring my calls whenever she felt like, but I didn’t mind as long as she picked up the phone finally , she hung up a lot on me but I didn’t mind either, we had arguments but I always called her to settle the disputes, I knelt down to beg most days but I guess that’s what men do when in love yh? You may call me useless and  silly but you may never understand it if you have never had an addiction, you don’t stop till you get the drug you are addicted to, i was crossing over to obsession, i knew it, my inner man kept faintly telling me, but hell i didn’t care.

All she had to do was call me to come over and I went running to her, but if I needed her to come over I needed to ask like 2days in advance and even when I did ask and i called her on the d-day she said stuffs like oh we were supps to hang out? Something came up, I forgot, you come instead…

Yes babe I always replied as I went running To her, nothing was ever wrong…she did no wrong in my eyes, at least she was all mine. Very soon I needed her permission to kiss her, we never beg for affection the man I once was kept screaming but I barely heard him…it got so bad i got thrown bits of affection, she let me kiss her if i was good that day, when she felt like and if she wanted to, when she wanted to. there were times i poured out my mind to her and with soulless eyes she just said okay, i needed to make her feel more i thought, that would solve the problem.. #you irritate me says my inner man but I was okay, I was in love, I didn’t mind, I didn’t give an f.

One day she called me over and sat me down, honey you are all over me, she said, I need to breathe+ I don’t think am attracted to you physically anymore, but I still want you in my life, I wanna look for physical attention elsewhere, but you can continue being in my life, and being around when i need you….

I didn’t mind, I was cool with it, I told her to just never lie to me, and I was gonna be there till we figured out this phase, In my mind she was just taking space, I wasn’t bothered, it happened….
I was still in love, I had changed but I didn’t care.. It continued till that very day, till I had a jolt of realization, its funny how it takes just a lil thing to wake a man up yh?….

I shook my head as I realized I had been sitting at the front of my gate for almost two hours, I got up as I looked at myself at the Window of the glass house opposite mine. I was ashamed of what I had become, I was a wreck and I bowed down my head and let the tears flow out …..

I cried for 20mins before going in to freshen up….the man I used to be beckoned to me and said now can I come out? Are u done with this disgusting behaviour… Without fighting and without any argument I let him, screw love, love did suck

I looked at myself in the mirror, and I picked up my phone, she still hasn’t called back, the game was on and I knew what I had to do…. I looked at her picture as I said to it like I was talking to her….

“I will stay, I will be with you, I will make you fall for me, I will cross all your hurdles, I will make it seem u are the only woman on earth with the amount of love I will give u, I will stand by you, then when I am completely certain u have fallen for me , on the day u need me the most, the day you finally decide it’s me you want, and it’s me you can’t do without…
I will leave you hanging dry, i will make sure I shatter your miserable heart into a million pieces u fucking whore from the pit of hell…
And then I will hope you die in misery… and hopefully i shall be watching this happen with glee and ultmost joy in my eyes, and when misery does take you, i shall make sure your tombstone clearly states- here lies a stupid b***h.

And that was it…

Henry… That was it?? No no what the hell happened to her, complete the story, what happened?

Haha I replied, u know my girlfriends name is Martha now, what do you think happened!? Figure it out yourself man.

-Zoned-

Umm…. I have nothing to rant about I guess, but Who else noticed the fact that days are going super fast, I am starting to feel super old already… Happy new year in advance though…anyways moving on…. Read..
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Last month , I wasnt gonna speak 2 her, then she calls me and speaking to her is all I wanna do. I know she is not right for me,  but for some reason I just want her. I try keeping my feelings in check but when I am with her everything just seems right, and self control is the last thing On my mind.

Don’t get it wrong,  it wasn’t like I didn’t know other girls but this one was perfect. I wanted just her.

My brain knows am being silly but my heart says I wanna be around her,  I wanna gain her trust,  I wanna get into her head and I have to force myself to Remember She has a bf u dufus,  but that doesn’t seem to work.

I feel a pang of pain reserved for when people are stabbed everytime she says something silly like I don’t want this,  I don’t wanna let u in,  I don’t wanna kiss u,  I don’t like u as much, can’t we just be friends? it’s a pity crying cannot come naturally to me. I probably would have when she hurls hurtful words at me.
I can’t tell you everything she says,  it makes me weak .

I am normally not this way, I try to tell myself that, I try to tell myself she dosnt care,  I try to be An ass but she dosent leave. Instead she asks what’s wrong?  U don’t wanna speak to me again? She hugs me and says Pls don’t let this end.

Then I look into her eyes and I see she cares about me,  yes maybe she cares about me as much as I care about her.  Then the whole process starts again,  I try, I really do but I just can’t deny the fact,  I want her. Is this an obsession I ask myself. Neeh my friends tell me am probably just jazzed, this is vodoo.

Then I chill with her again and realize, I genuinely like this gal,  more than my heart can bear.

I tell her I love her but she says,  I have a boyfriend and I love him. This had gone on for years,  but I stayed beside her without fail,  I would have gone to the other end of this world for her,  I would have done anything to gain her trust,  and the unfortunate part was that she knew, but she preferred her boyfriend who hit her, who treated her with disregard and looked at her like a piece of meat.

But I stayed beside her,  waiting because I knew one day she was gonna see reason. She was gonna choose me.  I knew this, the heavens knew I knew this.

Well now am sitting at a wedding,  her wedding,  to her boyfriend,  who is now gonna be her husband..
It’s a glamorous event actually,  no expenses spared but that was the last thing on my mind as I watched her say her vows.

My friends and family had given up,  after embarking on various interventions for me. They all felt I was a sorry case,  this is now spiritual they say to each other.

They kidnapped me and dumped me with a pastor last month,  he starved me for 2weeks casting out demons,  pfft this is science, nothing spiritual,    I loved her,  I wanted her and was gonna get her I told them all.

They looked At me and agreed I was insane and let me be.

I saw her the night before the wedding,  she held me and cried on my shoulders,  I love you I swear,  but I love Him more,  Its a pity I Met him first,  i am sorry we feel this way about each other, i am sorry I cannot be fully yours  but I choose him she says, I choose him, and I am gonna marry him..

I feel like I have being stabbed, I feel I should die, every thing spins,  breathing is hard  but I at least she loves me I say to myself,  I heard her voice on repeat that night… I choose him!!

I drift off in slumber,  I swear to myself am not gonna go to the wedding but she calls me and says it will mean alot to her if I am there and hangs up.
There is still hope I said as I dressed up.

That’s how I ended up At this wedding,   that’s how it had always been anyway,  all she had to do was call me,  and I went running to her.  I see the bestlady giving me inviting eyes but she looks like venom to me,  infact all girls do,  I know what I want and shes standing there getting married.

After the wedding I don’t hear from her, I called her a lot but she didn’t pick her calls. She changed addresses, and I tried in vain to find her,  she clearly was avoiding me and I was loosing it, I needed to hear her voice, that was my addiction ..

Then when I was at the brink of deterioration my phone rings and I hear her voice in tears,  she asks me to come over that she needs me… She tells me her new address. The fact that she’s in tears gave me a boost of adrenaline,  I drive as fast as I Can,  that idiot must have hurt her again.. He would have Me to deal with i say to myself…

I get take the house as she opens up the door,  I can see she’s hysterical,  he’s dead she says,  I killed him,  I killed my husband…

Without blinking I know he’s at fault,  I tell her to go get changed and I was gonna handle it, I had to get her out of this mess is all I can think of.

I go to the body,  I see he has being stabbed On the chest. His face showed he sufferd tremendously, I remove the knife as I get to work cleaning up the mess.

Then the door opend up. She comes in as I was wrapping up the body,  my clothes and hands bloody,  but she’s not alone…

She’s with two tough looking policemen, He killed my husband she said,  as I stood in shock. They didn’t even ask questions, I tried getting up but I was tackled brutally.

The whole thing was a blur. Papers had a field day,  obsessed friend kills husband..  Insane man butchers husband.

My sentence was quick,  I was to Die by hanging,  no lawyer was even needed to touch my case,  actually all lawyers avoided my case,  they all called it a career ending case, the evidence was all there.

I still couldn’t believe nor understand it,  it happened so fast.  On the day before I was supposed to die,  I had a visitor, it was her,  she explained the whole scenerio. A final jab,  her husband had a trust which was worth millions, everything was to go to her,  I just happened to be the fall guy and she never loved either of us.

I studied her as she spoke, I looked beyond her glamour,  she wasn’t pretty, she had cold eyes and she looked very senile.

You were both just means to an end… Her eyes were so cold, I couldn’t even see a flicker of love or pity.

She said I was like a flee who wouldn’t let go. The way you tried was disgusting and pathetic ,  you are worse than a dog she says, even worse than a fly attracted to poo,  all I had to do was flick my fingers and u would have laid down your life for me. The fact that you felt I would have dated such a spineless mistake of a man like you makes me wanna stab myself.

This was even worse than dying. I couldn’t even speak, I watched as she walked off, the way she swayed her hips made me shudder. Now I start to wonder why I actually loved her. 

The priest shakes his head as he takes in my story.  I can see pity in his eyes, my mother didn’t believe me, I didn’t expect him to either…

Any other thing before the execution son he asked,  no I said. Okay then he replied,  let me pray for you son… No I say,  as I close my eyes and go on my knees, pray for her as well…

My- I.G -Crush

Yeah yeah, U know we have gone Beyond the point where I have to make up excuses about why I haven’t written n all…. So I will just save us all d trauma *I was lazy but I still remain awesome.
So moving on…..

This particular day was expected to be just another uneventful Sunday,  meaning I was going about my business and not looking for any kind of trouble in particular
So on this Sunday, I decided to go drop my brother in school,  I mean good brother and all that I happen to be* it was also an excuse to stab church yunno (o-. ) don’t judge me*

Anyways on the day before that I made plans with my ride or die hommie to come along with us,  so I didn’t have to go through the remarkably boring journey back on my own

So I hurriedly buzzed my hommie cos we were getting late already but the sleepy voice at the other end of the line told me all I needed to know…

Dude I screamed into my phone,  were we not supposed to head out today??
Huuh,  is it Sunday already she asked?

Agggh I so hate you right now you plan flopping,  back-stabbing,  lazy assed individual…. Who sleeps like this? 

Oh please shut up you man-whore, I love you too she replied,  will you wait for me? 

Pfft waiters, so u can use 3hrs in dressing up?  No thank you,  I will buzz u when I get back joor I said as I cut of the call

Anyways we headed out and i fumed and plotted my revenge against my supposed ride or die sly hommie…..

I was just starting to get better when we met this insane traffic…. Arrrgh why me i wondered *maybe I should have just gone to church?

Anyways after some hours of professional and tactical maneuvering,  we finally managed to arrive at the school.

I was about zooming in when a security man flagged us down. I almost forgot about the normal stop and search for the lord knows what, I put off the engine as the dutiful citizen I happen to be and opened up the boot.

But instead he walked up to me and pointed a gun -like thing at me,  I heard a beep and it took me about a second to figure out what’ was going on.

In case I forgot to mention it,  Ebola is on the loose and everybody is being a little cautious..

Well I murmured for the man to get on with it cos I was sure as hell I didn’t have Ebola…

But when he looked at the readings from the thermometer, what he said made me flinch a little

Ehhhn  arrrrghhh,  Oga this your temperature is very high o…

WT freak is this man saying?

He went over to my brother and equally screamed after checking his, Arrrrgg this Mans own is high too o….

You see no one is really scared of dying till you think it’s up close. I already pictured myself in quarantine and living my days in isolation. And for a mini second,  I considered running away.

But then again I asked the man,  what’s my temperature? 

Ahh Oga this thing is high oo…
Dude what is the temperature I asked starting to get irritated…

But then he said,  Suleiman come and see this thing o, and another man who I guessed was Suleiman came over to look at the readings.

He let out a low-whistle as he saw the readings… Arrrgh its high o * maybe I should have just run away when I had the chance?

Starting to panic,  I asked in a shaky voice…  Dude would you tell me what my freaking temperature is?

Well umm Oga,  he said,  normal body temperature is 37degress and yours is ehn…

Arrrrgh what is it I said almost screaming… Yours is 38degress Oga,  same with your brother

At this moment I pictured myself collecting the machine from him and Jabbing it somewhere deep in his ignorant throat

Really?  38degrees?  Have you seen the sun you ignorant asswipe?

The fact that I wasn’t gonna die gave me the needed motivation to fight against this situation I considered harassment,  to cut the story short just picture the most horrendous scene I could have pulled off,  that’s exactly what happened….

Well I wasn’t allowed in but I zoomed off in mid -satisfaction  when I realized the crowd was getting larger, but not after my brother was let in…

I kept fuming and cursing on my way back,  and wondering why those weirdos weren’t properly informed. I was still cursing and maneuvering, I hadn’t even driven upto 10mins when I noticed steam coming out of the engine.* Lord why me?

I was barely able to get to the side of the road and luckily  was directed to a mechanic…
I headed up to him and told him what was up,  and without standing up
He said, Oga your money is 5thousand.

But you haven’t even gone to check,  I said in rage

Oga today is Sunday,  parts will be hard to find,  workmanship is 5thousand
Arrrrgh just come and check it I said, 
I have told you o, he said as he finally got off his lazy ass

He opened the bonnet and after checking a few things he said Oga u need to give Me transport 1300 and money to buy rotor 5000

Huh like seriously,  were you cursed with 5000? And are you traveling out of this state to get whatever you called ?
Anyways after a bit of argument here now there he finally headed out to get the parts.

After waiting for almost an hour,  I was bored silly so I decided to take a walk…. I had barely walked 2mins when I saw her.

Well her, Let me tell you who she was,  it was my crush,  my instagram crush.  Well we all have that girl we like but just unreachable even with your maddest game.

You see I happened to find her when I was bored silly and perusing instagram on my phone.

I saw her and I immediately got fascinated about the subtly tempting and aggravating look of passion she had in her eyes when going through her pictures…

I immediately followed her and after about 20mins she followed back *no I wasn’t counting

Anyways I made it a part of my daily routine to check out her daily uploads and religiously liked all her pictures and hoping for the day we eventually met* no I do not consider this stalking.

Unfortunately bumping into her under this blazing hot sun wasn’t my idea of good-luck,  she looked dashing in her bright yellow skirt and black short sleeve that left a bit of her fair smoothe skin visible for my eyes to devour.
You see,  she wasn’t a drop dead gorgeous babe but there was this thing about the way those cat eyes looked deep into the soul that sent a jolt down my spine.

I realized I was day-dreaming and snapped out of it, I stared at where I just saw her but she was no longer there.
I was trying to turn around to look for her when I bumped into someone..  She must have walked behind me when I was daydreaming.

I am really sorry I said half-stammering
I prayed she didn’t hear my heart beating and climbing toward my throat
It’s okay she replied, then a spark of recognition jumped into her eyes..  Hey I know you she said

Obviously now,  I am one of your monitoring spirits…  I was starting to reply when she said
Oh yes you are the dude that was making a scene back at that school

* Really?  It had to be there?
Anyways from there it was easy, because the scene happened to make a huge part of our convo.

After chilling a while she said she was headed home,  we exchanged numbers and I offered to see her off,  this day would have being spectacular If only I didn’t say I knew a short-cut.

The short-cut was an isolated street and I was planning on how to at least steal a kiss when some mean looking dudes appeared out of nowhere.

Oga see don’t even make noise one of the said as he showed me a knife, they all had knives though. 2 of you should just submit your things,  Asin as a brave man who didn’t wanna fall his hand in the prescense  of a girl,  I knew I had to think fast,  I ran towards the first one whom i considered the leader, he swung a fist at me and I dogged swiftly and sent him an uppercut that left his body shuddering as he went limp to the ground. I looked at the others with an intimidating look expecting trouble, but they all dropped their weapons and ran. *sigh  I still wanted to showcase my skills* my crush ran up into my hands praising my bravado and drenching me with kisses
* that’s how it played out in My head,  that’s how I planned it was gonna happen and this is what actually happened.

I started to protest but I received one massive slap like twaaaaack. You will never understand the gravity of this slap unless you have seen a military man slap someone before. It was like a steel door bashed my face. *I swear for some minutes my face felt numb and I couldn’t see shii as my ears kept ringing,  that kept me mellow.

But She wasnt even having any of it and I felt sorry for her that she was gonna get slapped. *brave girl I said to myself in admiration,  you go soon chop slap

But alas… Instead of slapping her,  the slap was allocated to me again…
Jeez I screamed out in pain…

If you don’t shut up and calm down we will keep slapping him,  one of the guys said Control your woman one of them said to me . I looked at her with watery eyes hoping that would deter her …but

See you will slap him till he dies o, I don’t even know him that well and I swear I am not dropping anything for you, she replied

I was still recovering from that one when I felt another twwwwackk, Honestly I think some of my beards fell off * omo this babe will make them kill me o…

At this point without shame I started begging her,  stop shouting now,  give them what they want so they will stop slapping me.

Ehn give them what?  Are you not a man?  You arnt even ashamed
Twaccck I received another * dear lord,  was I gonna die by slapping?

She wasn’t even remorseful as I kept receiving doses of slaps upon slap….

You are very lucky we don’t beat women, one of the guys said…

Let that girl go joor, Only broke babes behave like this, the one who happened to be their leader said.

Do you know that Without looking back, this evil she -monster raised her skirt,  removed her shoes and ran away with remarkable speed! leaving me to my fate   * it was on this day I realized,  it’s not until you fly before you are a witch….

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Usain Bolt had nothing on this bae…

It got to a point where i didn’t have to be slapped any-more, all they had to do was say

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Well after donating slaps from different angles,  I was dispossessed of my phone,  my wallet containing all my ATM cards and id. They even collected my shirt before telling me to go.

Honestly with the way I ran,  my legs could have touched my head that day….

I had barely gotten to the mechanics shop when all the pain started settling in,  massive headache n blurry vision due to watery eyes, if I ever saw that girl again she was gonna suffer.
I got to the mechanics shop just as I he was closing the bonnet,  He didn’t even look at me  twice when he said.

Oga I have finished,  your money na 5thousand….

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If looks could kill……

All pictures were culled from google images.

Battered

Good afternoon folks…..by folks I mean people who actually read my blog + my rants and comment and love Me even more (0-o) …. Anyways moving on, *that perfect intro took me about 20mins to idealize* anyways I was reading something on a blog and actually got a sentence from it relating to this post of mine….but its lengthy as it is so I am gonna save u d trauma of adding additional lines..this particular post ..well more like a subtle argument…arggh just read d story..
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I woke up that morning and went to the mirror to shave , I looked at my face which made me look older than my actual age,  I was shaving when I drifted off into the days when men were younger, when I could actually boast of having  friends, I drifted in thought about a funny incident we had.

In my younger years I used to have very good lads or friends or bros or whatever satisfactory word you would want to classify the unique brotherhood called friendship.

You see my lads and I did all together, we just four really good friends who went out for drinks and ladies during the majority of our bachelor lives.

Well there was this particular day we gathered round at my place for our usual drinks, one of my pals kept fiddling with the remote and we came across a movie station. The movie in summary was quite simple, a man was getting battered and beaten up by his wife till his family members came to intervene and succeeded in chasing the woman out.

We stared in disbelief as the woman pummelled her husband till he cried in shame, we laughed our brains out before we sat down to calculate and reason the possibility of such a scenario happening. We were fairly strong guys emotionally and physically so the thought of a man being beaten and violated by his wife seemed absurd and impossible. We had a good laugh about it till they left my crib.

When they left I reminisced about the argument I had in a previous relationship, I remembered telling her it wasn’t a good thing to beat women, and I for one would never lay my hands on a woman,  I told her some women could push a man to the point of laying his hands on her and that was the bone of one precisely long argument and the solution we both agreed upon at the end of the argument was that men who beat, and those who got beaten by their spouses were weaklings

In fact it was impossible and any man who could get battered by a lady wasn’t fit to be called a Man, society will never accept it, society would mock that kind of man. It was unheard off, in fact most of these men will never speak out, it was highly impossible

*But reality, society saw it like…

When a man beats a woman
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Kill that coward….

And when a woman beats a man….
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Look at that coward

I thought about how lucky I was when I met my wife….we were a bit younger then and was this simple and nothing close to romantic situation that made the whole thing even start…. You see I liked the fact that she was bold.

she loved taking bold steps, there was a particular plan she made up when meeting up was becoming tedious too tedious, she was being over watched and she cooked up a plan, she buzzed me and said okay I have come up with a plan on how we get to chill for a better part or d night ….

I replied; oh I see okay tell me about your plan…

Okay she replied; So, I normally sleep late, but I’ll tell my parents I am unusually tired and I have to retire early. Then I’d get dressed; put a teddy under the blanket, just in-case they open the door to check. Then I’d go through the window, it can’t be that high. Oh, but I’ll call you first, you had better not stand me up.

I laughed…it seems you have seen too many Hollywood movies I replied.

I am being serious here she said.

Okay, okay I replied; the teddy part got to me, I doubt the teddy bear part will work, you are in Nigeria now you know and how about the fence?

I am gonna scale it she replied, I laughed out at her joke of a plan….

But the next night, around 11-30pm precisely, she called to tell me she was outside waiting for me, it took me all the courage and prayers I knew to sneak out of mine.  That was how we started, that was where d feelings really begun to blossom, that was where I got love struck, that blissful night, I knew I was a lucky man and this was the woman I was gonna end up with …. We lost touch but I met her again later and you know the rest.

I was still thinking about my past life when I felt something cold splash on my body, I was taken aback by the shock and simmered down when I realised it was just my wife.

Yes my wife, my lovely wife, still holding the bucket of water she just offloaded on me she said; you douche, daydreaming again? You are pathetic!!  Have u done the dishes this morning? And Won’t I eat?

I said I was sorry as I swallowed the tiny resolve I had left and stood heading towards the kitchen.

I am sure you must be wondering how a sane man would have taken that right? And how that sweet girl I once knew became this venom yh? Well first you have to understand some- things, So Let me tell you a bit about my marriage.

You see when I met my wife again some years after we lost touch. Obviously she was the best thing that ever happened to me, asides from the fact that she was still very bold and daring, she pushed me to do the impossible, and life was fun with her. She also treated me right and was everything close to perfection.

She had become a rich Lady, rich parents, no liability, well educated, caring and all those minuscule things we look out for in a woman were right there staring with all four eyes.

Before I realized it I was sucked into the deep black whole I term my marriage. She was so perfect for me not to have taken that opportunity to keep her forever and ever.

All was well for the first few months, she hadn’t changed much it seemed….but I should have noticed changes due to the frequent fights we had, She broke things when angry, but couples fight I reassured myself, at least she was only breaking things right? She wasn’t hurting anyone, I said to myself in reassurance.

It got physical during one of our arguments when she threw the kettle at me, it grazed my lips as I bled and she knelt crying and screaming profusely, saying she was sorry promising heaven and earth and promising to change.  I should have found my way out then, things would have been easier but fortunately or should I say unfortunately she got pregnant and delivered a baby boy, my first child; our first child.

Things got worse one night when I came late from work, I ran my personal business which my wife and I opened together. She was a lawyer and her father was a judge with connections reaching even the president.

Being a lawyer she was responsible for all the legal aspects of the businesses and all our assets; another big mistake.

Anyway I came home abnormally late due to car issues…I couldn’t call in as my phone was dead.

I was able to get a cab after much effort and was glad to be home, but when I knocked the door was locked and she asked from the window where I was coming from, I was amused but still explained, she said my story wasn’t precise and told me to go back where I was coming from as she locked the window.

I was stunned obviously and I felt it was a joke I wasn’t finding funny, I waited for some minutes before I realized she wasn’t joking. I dropped all atom of coolness as I went ghetto, I am a fairly fit and strong man so I bashed the door with all the force I could muster, I was tired and hungry, but most importantly  I was in rage. I bashed the door and it gave in at the 5th try, I dropped my clothing and headed for where she was and shook her and warned her never to try that stunt in my house ever, it took grace not to hit her but then again I don’t hit women, I showered and I went to bed; I thought that was it, I was wrong.

I was so tired and pissed that I drifted off into slumber. I hadn’t slept for more than an hour before I felt a sharp pain on my testicles; I woke up and found my wife staring at me, holding my testicles with one hand and a knife with the other. I didn’t dare try anything funny because of the Look she had, i could feel blood oozing from where the knife laid, but I didn’t dare move, she warned me and said the next time I laid my hands on her, she was gonna make me less of a man; she said as she walked out.

I was shaken up after she left as I cleaned the sweat off my brows, I thought to myself; like really what was happening? The next few weeks were bloody, we kept having really serious arguments and I kept fighting for my rights, for my ego as a person and as a man.

I really tried to avoid getting physical but believe me  this woman was loco, she threw everything she could lay her hands on at me, she knew I was stronger but she was also senile in the usage of weapons, anything she could lay her hands on served as a viable weapon for her,  I was getting a lot of  bruises, i was running out of stories to tell of how I was getting injured, I was getting dented, my resolve was dying  and most importantly I was getting scared

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Well things escalated this particular day when we went to a friend’s birthday party and I met a few friends and we talked at length leaving her out for a few moments.

on our way home she looked at me while driving and asked me the meaning of what I did and why I tried to spite her…I told her it was nothing as I kept driving.. She kept nagging about it and I told her to let me concentrate on my driving cos we were on the highway…..

The next thing I received was a slap, followed by another and another.  The car swerved as i lost control and it headed towards an oncoming trailer, I struggled to keep the car steady and barely managed to get it to a halt and that was when. I lost it.. I got out the car and dragged her out and landed her two decent slaps for trying to kill us both.

Now this was my mistake, this was where I actually begun to suffer. You see this woman was a screamer. When I touched her she let out a piercing scream that even the dead could have heard.

A military checkpoint was nearby and some of the soldiers ran over on hearing her scream. They descended on me before I could even say what happened, I was beaten to a pulp. I Thought my situation couldn’t get any worse when I head her exchanging greetings with one of them, seemed they were friends and he bought every detail about the story of how I had been violating her physically since the beginning of our marriage. I tried opposing but I was given another slap for interfering.

Well things got even way worse because she was allowed to drive home while I was detained and made to do frog jumps throughout the night. I was released early in the morning as I was left to find my way back home…

I was able to get home after much stress, only to get home and I was locked out again, and this time from the main gate.  I sat down and I wept.  I knew what I had to do, I was gonna get a divorce, I had  only put up for this long because of my child But if I stayed any longer I would probably  kill her or get killed.

I told her the next day I was getting a divorce and she said it was fine, I was glad it was so easy or was it? I woke up that night to hear my baby wailing. I grumbled as I went out to see what was happening.

I saw her with a teary eye and a smirk on the face holding our baby from the Leg and her with the knife as she asked; you were planning on a divorce? I tried replying but she said; if u divorce me I will get custody of the baby.  I can generate witnesses to testify u are a wife beater and if you leave I will make sure I kill this baby and believe me i will get away with it.

I will make your life a living hell even after the baby is dead, in case you don’t realize it you have nothing, all the businesses and assets are in my name…if u leave me you will be left with nothing, I will make sure you do not get a penny, You only have the account we share together so i know you have no money dear, I do not love you but you are mine, and you leave when i am done with you dear…

Face it u are stuck here. I heaved out a breath as i quickly analysed the precarious situation i was in. I told her not to worry, already deciding in my mind I was gonna take my baby and run away when I heard her say I told some policemen you were trynna kidnap my son, don’t try anything funny or u would b found. I will make sure YOU are wrecked.

I sat down thinking about my dilemma…who was I going to tell? I was gonna seem weak and nobody was even gonna believe me, I can’t even  take her to court because my story wasn’t going to hold and I would have lost  woefully anyway, i had no friends anymore, she made sure she isolated my bros from my life. i had even lost touch with them, in reality I was stuck  with this woman.

If I leave her with my child he’s going to die and I am going to suffer.

I have analysed every possible scenario and I have come up with only one option, I am going to kill this woman, with the last drop of manhood I have left.

If you are LISTENING TO THIS, I MUST have killed my wife and I have no regrets, at least then my son will be safe with our parents.

I am a battered man but I refuse to live the rest of my life as a weakling of a man.

THE tape stops as I replayed it again as I summoned courage, this time I was ready, I didn’t have any terrific plan, I already bought a gun, and I was going to shoot her in her sleep..

I looked up at the clock, it was just a minute past 12, she was bound to be asleep by now, she was a terrible sleeper, I picked the gun and went into her room where she slept, I looked at her sleeping so peacefully, why do people especially  evil and venomous people look like saints I their sleep I wondered, I thought about all the bad things and raised the gun as I tried to pull the trigger, I still couldn’t do it, I still couldn’t, with all the suffering I still couldn’t.

I probably had no fight left in me I thought as I walked back to my room. You see this was precisely the 7th time I tried killing her this month, and I haven’t been able to, Maybe somewhere inside she’s still the sweet girl I met? Maybe she hits me cos she loves me? Maybe she was mean to me cos she didn’t want to lose me? No I shook my head in disagreement as I was starting to actually believe the lies I told myself. I wasn’t even man enough to pull the trigger, I told myself; I will try again tomorrow and this time I will be ready, I will finally do it I thought to myself as I shook my head, actually believing that lie. I am a battered man, but believe me I am no weakling….

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For Better – For Worse

So before I begin I guess I am supposed to rant as usual yh? Neeeeh, the post is long enough as it is…sooo read on folks….
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I walked around my house as I pondered on what to do next…. The call I just received made me weary, I heard the caller clearly… The thick baritone voice kept ringing in my ears…

“Mr Bands we have your wife….50million or she dies, call the police or tell anyone and she dies, refuse to pay the money and she equally dies… As the line went dead…..

You see money was not my problem. In fact it was the least of my problems; the fact that someone could have had the audacity to take my wife, my own wife was what bothered me.
The mere thought of it was amusing, they didn’t know what they had done I thought to myself….
I pondered on the situation…

There was nothing I could do, I needed someone quickly. We just moved into the area so I really didn’t have many friends except one.

His name was max, I had saved max when he tried jumping off a bridge, his life wasn’t in a good state then, he had lost everything he had in a venture gone wrong and at the same period the only family he had which was his wife had died in an accident. His house was about to be mortgaged and creditors were on his neck, he was neck deep in debt and I saved him from all that, he owed me one, he had no family, no friends, he was the perfect candidate I could get given the situation.

I called Max and the speed in which he used in coming over when I said I had a problem made me realize how much of a good friend he was…I used my encrypted line and told him to tell no one where he was headed as the situation was dire… I felt bad I had to involve max in this because friends were scarce but the present situation required drastic measures…..

He rung the bell taking the back door I told him to pass where he wouldn’t be seen, i told him to do so in case we were being watched and if things went wrong…

Hello max I said…
Hello bands he replied…. Something amusing happened today max I said….my wife was kidnapped, i said as i burst out in laughter

Max…*confused…  Kidnapped?? How did u know this? And what are their demands? And how in the hell is it amusing? Have u called the cops…. *I cut him off

Me… Hold on max, they said they would kill her if i called the cops but I would like you to listen from the beginning … Could you do that for me?  it was the most amusing thing I heard all week, now let me explain why I found it extremely amusing…. let me tell you about my wife, about the woman they stupidly kidnapped  and When I am done I swear you will understand

Max. .. Okay then….make me understand…#as he simmers down….

Me…  it’s said that every MAN Should have a drive, an ambition and all that shit, well for a while I dint have any of that, I was cool with just waking up and working my ass of through the day, I worked to survive, and that was enough for me.
I  had no girlfriend Actually and i was still cool with that, my ex left me BECAUSE  she felt i lacked passion, I  was beginning to get tired of all the names given to not having a drive, well it was tedious and I knew I needed a drive. I needed a push to become successful, a destination to head toward, something to fight for, do u understand max??

Max… Of course I do…I have been at that point.

Me … Anyway all that changed, when I met her, her name was BABAWSKA and she was to later become my wife. She was good and all and all was bliss, she was actually the one thing my life was missing, she was that push.  She was perfect, she was everything I needed, she became my motivation, she became my drive, she showed me my destination and I decided to get married to her.  I should have noticed the look her relatives gave to me; like dude really, you are going to marry her???  But I dint realize the looks, I was love-stuck, to me she was the most beautiful woman I had ever set my eyes on and all went well UNTIL

Max … until what? And what has this got to do with the kidnap #starting to get restless

Me…. Hold-on max, i am getting there….you see all was going well until strange things started happening…

Max.. #showing interest… Strange things?

Me … Yes strange max… You see max, after the wedding , all her family members , my family members, her close friends and even mine seemed to vanish off the face of the earth, we became more like loners. Never saw them all again after the wedding, But I wasn’t bothered, she was my motivation and I was okay with just her, but strange things started happening in the house. The first event was when we both woke up to realize that our maid was killed, dismembered if u prefer that….

Max … #sits upright…. Dismembered?

Me … Yes max, dismembered, mutilated, whatever word best tickles your fancy, and it so happened her head was nowhere to be found. But i just assumed she was attacked by a wild animal of some sort and we got rid of the body.  But then even more weird things began to happen, there were a-lot of bloody clothes, blood on the walls and all that.

Max…*now visibly scared… Okay and what was the cause?

Me… Well max,  I found out one particular night when I couldn’t sleep, I just had a feeling someone was staring at me in my sleep, a cold stare, I looked up only to find my wife with one of my antique axes raised, I was able to roll off my bed just as she brought it down.
She had this happiness as she kept hitting where I supposedly slept as I watched in horror, She turned to look at me as I noticed something about her eyes, like she wasn’t normal, I CHARGED towards her as I tried to get the axe off her but her strength was unbelievable, she shoved me off effortlessly and for some reason she dropped the axe and went back to sleep. I couldn’t sleep obviously, I stayed up trynna understand what in blazes just happened

Max… *Now seemingly frightened….oh okay keep going he replied in a shaky voice

Me…. Well the painful part was that she didn’t even seem to remember anything that happened the night before, she woke up the next morning her usual chirpy self and even asked me why i looked so worn out, I looked at her in awe as I thought of what to do

Max…  okay then, so what did you do?

Me… Well obviously I called a shrink, i assumed she had a personality disorder of some sort, but he didn’t spend two minutes with her before he came out and said…

Max … said what?

Me … Well he said my wife was demented, and she belonged in an institute.  I refused to believe him obviously. but he said she derived joy in ruthless murder, and i better take her to one before she killed more people, he even threatened to report the case if I didn’t act quick, he said she lived for murder.

Max… *visibly shaking…. did you take her to the institute?

Me … Well max, I did try to, but that was the point my wife actually begun to drive me, Drive me to the point of utter madness, and after that things became a blur, I begun to put things in perspective when I heard the doctor was missing. Then it hit me, maybe my wife was actually demented and probably a cold blooded killer, All the blood, it all started making sense, it must have been from people she killed * max cuts me off

Max … Wait wait….why are you telling me this he said.*as he shuffled uncomfortably, Then isn’t a good thing she was kidnapped?

Me … relax max, that’s why I said it was amusing.  Those kidnappers are nothing, She is going to kill those people, and then she’s going to come home and.* max cuts me off as he gets up.

Max … *now really scared…  Then why in Pete’s sake did you call me here?

Me … I had to talk to some-one max, I needed someone I could trust, she is going to try to kill me again, I will need your help

MaxDude how do u expect us to fight off a super –strong psychopath? Why didn’t you just call the cops?

Me…. I will have a lot of questions to answer if I do max, please I need u, I said as I broke down in tears…* I looked at my watch, it was almost time, I needed to do something quick.

Max… Its okay he said, can I use your bathroom?

Me… I described it to him…..thou that wasn’t what I planned but it was going to do just fine…..
I knew he had gotten uncomfortable and was thinking of getting out of my house, I watched as he went up the stairs to the bathroom I directed him to and as expected I heard him scream in horror.
I waited for him at the edge of the stairs as he came running down;  Wha…what Was that? He asked? He stopped in time to notice I was trying to prevent him from leaving… He smartly jumped over the railings of the stairs and bolted for the door he came in through.

He opened the door in a haste and staring directly at him with a pick axe was my wife drenched in blood with those evil eyes, he looked between my wife and I as he made the obvious choice…

He ran towards me as I landed him a well timed jab to the chest which slowed him down and another one to his side, I felt his ribs crack as he went down, he gasped for air as he stared at me, a look of fear mixed with confusion and betrayal. He was trying so hard to understand….

I said calmly, I haven’t finished my story max; You see, When I realised my wife was demented, I realized I loved her even more so I had to create scenarios for her to use up her skills just for the fun of it…

As I was telling him this I saw my wife creep towards him with an awkward smile as she raised the axe above his head, a tiny scream escaped his mouth as the head flew off, years of practice had made her perfect with the axe…

She let out a cry of ecstasy as the blood splashed on us both; she kept on mutilating his lifeless body with the axe as she screamed in joy with every strike, I went towards her and hugged her as she simmered down…

I picked up max’s head dripping with blood as I continued talking, You see max I love my wife, When I realized she was demented or a psychopath like you said, I knew I had to help her, for her I would have become anything I said as I went up the stairs with his head and continued talking; I would have become anyone, I loved her, and I needed only her I said as I dropped his head among the vast collection of skulls and decomposing skulls.

I placed his head still dripping with blood on the spot I saved and asked; I believe in the concept of marriage, it is FOR BETTER OR WORSE right? And for her I have become my worst I guess.

Could I get any worse than I already am? I asked max only to be met by the cold blank stare, a stare I had seen many times over… this particular stare i saw in my brother’s eyes right before his head went off, I felt a pang of guilt when I noticed the look of betrayal still in his lifeless eyes, but only for a micro-second.

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My-Worst Day ever 1

Well as you all know the country is in a bit of a bind… like I am normally passive about issues like this because I know we Always sort out issues, it’s what Nigerians are good at, we quarrel, we fight among each other, we settle it, we make jokes and pictures about it, we settle it and we move on…  but at a point I was actually scared about where the country was headed… it was actually beginning to bother me….if you knew me, you would understand why this was an issue….I don’t believe our parents were thinking about the things I am thinking of when they were my age….

Now I am thinking of how to get rich*okay that is normal# I know some things which I believe are bomb evasion techniques, I am now weary of people with backpacks… Lol add a beard to that person and I am leaving that environ with extreme speed…. I am weary of any strange vehicle parked in-front of my house,  I think of how I am gonna protect my female relatives if the need arises,  I can’t even  meet up with my friends again without having a weapon handy*go figure # don’t judge me… ATM I trust no one…. Meeeehn  i  felt I was  getting old too quick with all these thoughts and that is depressing…

In fact within the past few weeks I read and listened to quite a number of conspiracy theories, and believe me it’s quite easy to gulp in every crap you see when you are bothered about something… but I knew I had      reached  my limit when I started to believe one end time theory… that woke me up from my slumber….neeeeh we will survive…. We always do..

SIGH …. Well its been long since I told a story about my ventures yh…..  so let me tell you about the worst day of my life.. You see the worst day of my life didn’t exactly just happen like BOOOOM…. Like every normal person’s worse say… obviously not, I am awesome, so I had to be different, there were a series of events that actually led to my worse day….. it actually begun when I decided to meet up with  this particular acquaintance of mine…#hehe good luck deciphering that…
Anyways I was rushing to go meet up with my so called acquaintance when I  tripped and nearly broke my teeth

omo God punish devil, i muttered in Alex’s voice’

Well I blamed the person I was going to go see for making me nearly break my teeth,  pfft and yes it was a girl obviously #in case you were wondering…. *Why would I wanna break my teeth for a boy na shuu… 
   
Anyways I reminisced about the last time saw her … we had a row cos I stood her up twice… the last convo was something like

Me…. Hey babe, I am sorry I can’t come get you o, can we meet up some other time??
Her…..  heen you said what?… she asked (i imagined her with horns, that was her starter anytime she got angry,
meehn this babe was scary when pissed abeg )  what do you mean by that ??

Me …#in my mind “winsh I meant you should find your way na ahahn” as in the road is flooded, I replied;  it rained and I can’t get through

Her- so you are standing me up again? What rubbish blah blah blah

Me… “nooh idiot I will swim past this flood cos of you” no now its not like that, road is bad, I am not doing it on purpose now… I replied

Her… You are so annoying, after you made me come all this way blah blah blah blah
Yeap I literally heard blah blah,  I knew I was at fault though and and she warned me severely that  the next time I stood her up was gonna be the last

“pfft ….. This babe can feel hot shaaa………….”

Anyways I rushed to go meet her because we hadn’t seen in awhile, and the first thing she said to me when I saw her was; Meeehn, guy you are skinny O-o…. WTF.. And your head is bigger self..

Winch..Freaking winch, of course I know I have a big head, and I know I am skinny……

I replied thank you… let’s get going… but she looked at me and insisted but dude curiously your head is quite large o….

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#I swear I hate this babe…. Ehen I have heard you I replied… lets go joor, I will  honestly leave you here oo…..

Alright, alright she replied, let’s go….. I dropped her off, chilled a little with her and went to my mecho

When I had left her I headed towards my mechanic… MECHO as I usually called him… How far na I said…

And he replied …. My Oga /…. I am okay o…. and I said help me check the stuff you wanted to repair briefly … he said aii and started work, he wanted to carry something quite heavy out and i went towards there to help him…. And he repied… no o my oga.. don’t worry go and sit down you are butter na, you know you resemble leaf, you will break if you carry this one ooo…

I look like a leaf? You don’t say …

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“hian idiot, I thought to myself,  shey cos you look like stone abi’ okay I murmured, what is up with everybody and my structure today sef …. As I sighed

Well when I was done with the mechanic… I started heading home and one bagger tried to over-take me roughly and in a fit of anger I screamed… *you will die eventually  but die alone na ahahn (note that if you haven’t used a foul language while driving in Lagos.. u haven’t started driving) … and the driver replied….you will burn.. Thunder fire you… see as you resemble broom sef, better go and eat …….as he zoomed off   “shuuu who did I offend today? I asked myself.
 
anyways I forgot the incident and headed home…. I slotted in the Indian movie I got some days back… and the next scene I saw was of a guy with extremely large chests and abs, #no homo…blame the Indian move#  take of his shirt and start running after a girl in slow-motion…. With their normal songs.

“ahahn…. Wt flip na…why did this idiot remove his shirt sef…pfft some guys can be stupid sha” I refused to admit I was jealous, naah I still stand to the fact that the guy was just foolish, I switched off the tv as I went to have my bath….. I was cleaning up when I actually stared at the mirror to really study my structure and actually looked at myself for the first time in ages.. ……

You see don’t get me wrong, I love myself the way I am o.. I will still argue that I am hotter than fire… but all the people I spoke to today had a point,  I thought as I stared at my sexy but skinny and abbless structure….. I knew what I was going to do… I was gonna hit the gym, I smiled in determination,  yes that was what I needed.. I am gonna go hit the  gym, I am gonna get BUFF..

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Will continue someday….. BTW all the pictures used were souced from Google….can’t b sued at this critical moment..

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