TRICKS-OF-FATE

Okay so this morning I woke up actually feeling a little lazy, I was on leave and I decided that I was gonna spend the day sleeping throughout……yep it was decided….but Fate in form of my boss decided something else for me, I was to run some errands for her, hmm I wasn’t happy, I really needed my sleep, I told her I dint know the way, except if I was been driven by some-one! Well I should have just kept my mouth shut, Young man! You should be ashamed of yourself, you have nothing and you like having things easy, very lazy boy! You are going, infact start going right this instant! Well I had no choice; I was to go to three places, two banks and a bookshop. I was pissed! She gave me 50k for what I was supposed to do, I called a very large friend of mine to accompany me and he actually said he preferred sleeping rather than moving under the hot blazing sun with me; Lazy Fat- boy! I thought to myself, I buzzed another friend who liked walking around Lagos and he said he was TREEKING to V.I! I didn’t bother asking why self because he is from Ibadan.#note i have nothing against peeps from I.B, just this one in particular# O well, I said to myself when I realized I was on my own and I started getting ready.

I wore a black t-shirt, blue jean, and a black shoe….and carried my backpack, I liked been prepared, Yeah I am that efficient. Any-ways I boarded the first vehicle and it was as uncomfortable as hell, we had gotten halfway and I was still very angry when a funny scene started playing out in the bus; the conductor asked a passenger for his t-fare, and the passenger started searching frantically for his money and apparently it wasn’t there, he started begging that he seemed to have left his money @home! That he could come down there. The conductor was very pissed and started raining insults on the poor fella! OGA better pay my money, after getting half-way you want to come down without paying! You will wash this bus o, infact you must wash this bus! Shameless man! Every-body in the bus burst out in laughter! The guy was practically humiliated, he almost started crying but the scene was funny to me too, no! it was hilarious! I actually didn’t trust anybody in this country, he probably did not have money self, I laughed to my heart’s content; I had tears running down my face. I realised it was my stop, too bad I had 2 come down now, I would have loved to see how it ended.

I walked a little and saw the bank, I was about entering when I heard someone say; excuse me sir, excuse me sir! I turned back to look at him and he said; I am embarrassed asking you this, but please sir, I have misplaced my t-fare! Could you lend me some? I wasn’t surprised @ all, this was Lagos, he could be a ritualist self, I sharply held all my valuables, my pocket with one hand, and my future generations with the other, and without looking back I ran into the bank! I have heard a lot of stories, I wasn’t too old to be stolen!

After keeping my backpack in the locker I swaggered into the bank feeling extra- fly with myself because I just escaped being kidnapped!…after picking a deposit slip, I scouted and saw a very tall and pretty girl sitting on a chair, I loved tall girls and if you were living in my area you would have done exactly what I did, tall AND pretty girls were hard to find, without blinking I sharply went to sit beside her, I needed a conversation opener ASAP, I had 3 PENS in my pocket coz I hated asking around for one in the bank, but today was different, I had to ask, I used the oldest trick in the book and asked if she had a pen, she said no and told me to hold-on, she actually stood-up to collect a pen from her friend while I sat down comfortably on the chair waiting for her, she came back to give the pen to me, I took that as a receptive sign, I made sure I timed her well, I needed her to come to me, when I was done, I PURPOSELY left without returning her pen, I blocked my ears with my earphones without actually listening to any music! I knew she was done too, so she was actually behind me, she said excuse me; I pretended not to hear her, excuse me! She said. I looked back with a straight face and she said; you didn’t return my pen! I appeared shocked and said; oh I am so sorry, I forgot! She looked @ me smiling and asked; or you were planning on stealing it? I took that as another sign and laughed, then with a straight face, I told her—- your pen wasn’t the only thing I was planning to steal from you, she was confused and said; really? What else? And with a sexy straight face, I told her; your HEART! She actually blushed really well and we both burst out laughing at my lame joke.

From there things became easier, we shook hands and I introduced myself, we talked a little more and I made her laugh even harder, I cracked all the jokes I could think of in this life, man my brain was on steam, she was hitting my arms and playing with her hair while laughing, she laughed at both the lame and funny jokes!…. In my mind I swear I was a guru, this was too easy, I felt I could woo any babe! I was the ultimate! well after hanging in front of the bank for some minutes and attracting enough attention, I told her I had to go when the fun was becoming a bit much; I always kept them wanting more, she seemed sad, and hugged me hard, she didn’t wanna let go, and I swear I could see a tear drop! Or so I thought, we exchanged numbers and I promised to call her as soon as I boarded a bus……
Any-ways I boarded my next bus, I sat in-front like a king feeling super fly, I was supposed to deposit some money @ another bank, I tried calling her number but it was switched off, I assumed her battery was dead, I was thinking of my new found babe, and how we were gonna be spending time together and the way she dint wanna let me go—- damn! I have gat game I thought to myself, I was still reminiscing halfway into the journey when I heard the conductor say; OGA MONEY FOR FRONT! Still smiling, I dipped my hand into my pocket, my WALLET was gone! My smile sharply vanished! I checked all my pockets, still nothing, I searched everywhere nothing! I looked under the chair self, still nothing! All the money was in my wallet! Over 30k+ I was asked to deposit and all the money I had on me + my ATM card! I was calculating furiously, I was wondering how come, I had it when I left the bank, I felt it when…….oh, that was when it HIT me with full realization—-I had been PLAYED BAD……she was a pick pocket! And a very efficient one @that, She had moved my wallet! She had even pilfered my hand-chain! WOW! This was robbery in broad daylight plain and simple, i was supposed to be sleeping throughout the day! Fate Tricked me into coming out today! I thought to myself, Just then I heard the conductor say again; OGA MONEY FOR FRONT!

Well I Looked back @ the conductor without blinking or missing a beat and said; OGA NA TO WASH BUS REMAIN!

@peternkul