My- Crush

Happy new month to you all…..we had a good run and yeah we all made it to this month- I woke up feeling super fly and was like…..

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Well I had a feeling it was gonna be a good month until i heard a beep on my phone- i checked it expecting somthing good only to find out it was from airtel saying their bis wouldn’t work for android Any longer Then I became like….   

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It was So painful Cos I just subscribed for 3months, the day before, why did they not reject the money or warn me? arggggh le pain – mehnnn I was pissed, But all the same I was happy – I made it to December I wouldn’t be sad Cos of that……and Then it hit me…..I had a blog!!!! Which was abandoned, n So I decided to write……hehe… So enough rambling…….
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Okay so this particular day, I heard of a branch of one church I attend crumbled and some-one was injured In it, thank goodness nothing really bad happened, one person was hospitalized… it was while reasoning it I INNOCENTLY  realized my ex, ex, exEST girlfriend attended that church and I panicked, we had a mutual break-up I think, even though she smashed the screen of my laptop in anger… and almost flushed my phone in the toilet,  I still cared a little about her I guess….. I prayed she was injured and battered okay and nothing had happened to her, i hoped she wasn’t d one who was hospitalized, but I called her to make sure, and this is how the conversation went…..
Me —- hello
Her —- yes
Me—- it’s luke…
Her — I know, what do you want?
Me — heard your church crumbled, are u still alive????
Her —- oh..  That was my church?
Me —(⊙o⊙) ahnahn– *confused
Her —- so it was my church??? I haven’t gone to church this year o…….
Me —- *to myself* winch.. no wonder…
Her —- Wait o……Were you praying for me to die???Or are you planning on killing me??
Me —- I just wanted to make sure you were okay a…..
Her — — *cuts me off*shut up!!! Idiot, u must be very stupid, infact u r mad, I knew u were wishing for my downfall, idiot. B****rd, blah, blah, blah.
Me —- but I ……….
Her —- still raining curses…
Me —- okay your obviously fine… aii later then…*cuts call
Well after the conversation,*now realizing why we broke up, I kept on wondering what exactly I did wrong???? Was it a crime to check on someone again???? *where did I find this girl self???……….. Just then my phone started ringing, it was a private number…. I picked and it was her again
Her …….. So u only called to check if ii was alive??? You dint call me all this while??? You are mad!!! Stupid boy
Me …..*scoffs* I let out a deep breath and in my sexiest voice I say*…okay I am very, very sorry, I was just worried…. So please could you just calm down and listen to me??
Her …. *calms down* I am sorry too…..okay what is it??
Me…..  I want you to do me a favour……
Her ….. hmmmm… okay then depends on what you are asking for……..
Me …. Okay, please could you kindly help me press that red button by the right side of your phone???
Her ……..pauses* analyzing I guess…………then …….arghhhhhhhhh why are you so annoying? You are an idiot * fool…….and so many curses too vulgar to publish…….
Me —– scoffs* ends call……weirdo…
Yep that conversation was an example of my plight………….. I happen to be soft-hearted and caring(⊙o⊙)
It was after this call that I realized I hadn’t  had much luck with girls lately, I was already giving up hope sef, a man can only suffer this much; I thought to myself, I had been heartbroken  over and over again and already accepted my fate, there was no hope for love again for me, the painful part was that after the break up, friend-ship was out of the question,  I am a strong lad, I thought to myself, you see we guys are very strong, we get heartbroken over and over and over again and still manage to push forward, and yet it’s still being said that all guys are evil, break a girls heart once and she will still be recovering for years to come.

It was after this call that I realized I hadn’t  had much luck with girls lately, I was already giving up hope sef, a man can only suffer this much; I thought to myself, I had been heartbroken  over and over again and already accepted my fate, there was no hope for love again for me, the painful part was that after the break up, friend-ship was out of the question,  I am a strong lad, I thought to myself, you see we guys are very strong, we get heartbroken over and over and over again and still manage to push forward, and yet it’s still being said that all guys are evil, break a girl’s heart once and she will still be recovering for years to come.

I was there thinking about my plight and my recent efforts to meet someone new, someone who was gonna love me and be there for me in my time of need, not someone who was after my little bar thou… the next babe I had a crush on happened to be in my office, she was my longest crush, she was very, very pretty and tall, we weren’t in the same office per say, she was on 11th floor and I was on the 8th, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her, no matter how I tried,  I already had the flows I would use saved in my brain…………. I was gonna use a line stolen from ONE Nigerian song… I was gonna walk towards her looking straight into her eyes and with my rehearsed voice say * you are the sexiest girl I have seen…. The kainna girl I would take to the scene…. Your hips make me go like soooo* #blame the song… well I never got any opportunity to use my flow per say…

anywaiz the next morning after battling with the over spiced food I prepared, and taking in a lot of water to reduce the effect on my mouth, I dressed up for work and  walked towards the door taking down the 6th glass of water that morning…. I locked up and headed to work and boarded a vehicle,  while in the vehicle I felt an urge to pee,  but I felt I could hold it in, since I was already seeing my office building, anyways I was even too cool to do it on the road…………
I got to my office gate and walked in as fast as I could as the urge to pee became really worse, I started walking funny as I prayed the queue for the elevator wasn’t goanna be long, I got inside and saw very long queues on the first two elevators, the last had no queue, it was the management elevator, I dint bother, I pressed it as people looked at me awkwardly, I dint care and I got in and sat on the operators chair since there was no operator there, before anybody could come in to join me, I pressed the button for 8th floor feeling like a sharp guy, I sat comfortably and started playing with my phone……. I Then realized I had being seated for some minutes without feeling the elevator move, I looked up and realized the number was stuck on 1!!! it wasn’t moving, I pressed all the buttons as I was too cool to panic, I pressed the emergency button, and instead of hearing a bell the lights in the elevator went out…….. now I was panicking, and to make matters worse I had to pee, and the place was extremely hot….i begun pacing so as to hold it in, it seemed I was there forever, I started doing a new dance, which would probably have made me popular if it went viral, I tried and held it in, it seemed I was locked in forever, and that was when my mind started messing with me, I swear I could hear the song #just SCREAM and SHOUT and let it all out…….. over and over again in my head,  I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to pee in the elevator, I unzipped and was making the ooooh ahh sound as I relived myself, and just then the elevator lights came on and it opened up………….. in shock I jumped and I peed on a manager, and his secretary as they waited for the elevator outside…………. Did I mention my crush was the secretary to a manager??……….anyway still single, almost jobless and definitely not searching……

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