Well as you all know the country is in a bit of a bind… like I am normally passive about issues like this because I know we Always sort out issues, it’s what Nigerians are good at, we quarrel, we fight among each other, we settle it, we make jokes and pictures about it, we settle it and we move on… but at a point I was actually scared about where the country was headed… it was actually beginning to bother me….if you knew me, you would understand why this was an issue….I don’t believe our parents were thinking about the things I am thinking of when they were my age….
Now I am thinking of how to get rich*okay that is normal# I know some things which I believe are bomb evasion techniques, I am now weary of people with backpacks… Lol add a beard to that person and I am leaving that environ with extreme speed…. I am weary of any strange vehicle parked in-front of my house, I think of how I am gonna protect my female relatives if the need arises, I can’t even meet up with my friends again without having a weapon handy*go figure # don’t judge me… ATM I trust no one…. Meeeehn i felt I was getting old too quick with all these thoughts and that is depressing…
In fact within the past few weeks I read and listened to quite a number of conspiracy theories, and believe me it’s quite easy to gulp in every crap you see when you are bothered about something… but I knew I had reached my limit when I started to believe one end time theory… that woke me up from my slumber….neeeeh we will survive…. We always do..
SIGH …. Well its been long since I told a story about my ventures yh….. so let me tell you about the worst day of my life.. You see the worst day of my life didn’t exactly just happen like BOOOOM…. Like every normal person’s worse say… obviously not, I am awesome, so I had to be different, there were a series of events that actually led to my worse day….. it actually begun when I decided to meet up with this particular acquaintance of mine…#hehe good luck deciphering that…
Anyways I was rushing to go meet up with my so called acquaintance when I tripped and nearly broke my teeth
“omo God punish devil, i muttered in Alex’s voice’
Well I blamed the person I was going to go see for making me nearly break my teeth, pfft and yes it was a girl obviously #in case you were wondering…. *Why would I wanna break my teeth for a boy na shuu…
Anyways I reminisced about the last time saw her … we had a row cos I stood her up twice… the last convo was something like
Me…. Hey babe, I am sorry I can’t come get you o, can we meet up some other time??
Her….. heen you said what?… she asked (i imagined her with horns, that was her starter anytime she got angry,
meehn this babe was scary when pissed abeg ) what do you mean by that ??
Me …#in my mind “winsh I meant you should find your way na ahahn” as in the road is flooded, I replied; it rained and I can’t get through
Her- so you are standing me up again? What rubbish blah blah blah
Me… “nooh idiot I will swim past this flood cos of you” no now its not like that, road is bad, I am not doing it on purpose now… I replied
Her… You are so annoying, after you made me come all this way blah blah blah blah
Yeap I literally heard blah blah, I knew I was at fault though and and she warned me severely that the next time I stood her up was gonna be the last
“pfft ….. This babe can feel hot shaaa………….”
Anyways I rushed to go meet her because we hadn’t seen in awhile, and the first thing she said to me when I saw her was; Meeehn, guy you are skinny O-o…. WTF.. And your head is bigger self..
“Winch..Freaking winch, of course I know I have a big head, and I know I am skinny……
I replied thank you… let’s get going… but she looked at me and insisted but dude curiously your head is quite large o….
#I swear I hate this babe…. Ehen I have heard you I replied… lets go joor, I will honestly leave you here oo…..
Alright, alright she replied, let’s go….. I dropped her off, chilled a little with her and went to my mecho
When I had left her I headed towards my mechanic… MECHO as I usually called him… How far na I said…
And he replied …. My Oga /…. I am okay o…. and I said help me check the stuff you wanted to repair briefly … he said aii and started work, he wanted to carry something quite heavy out and i went towards there to help him…. And he repied… no o my oga.. don’t worry go and sit down you are butter na, you know you resemble leaf, you will break if you carry this one ooo…
I look like a leaf? You don’t say …
“hian idiot, I thought to myself, shey cos you look like stone abi’ okay I murmured, what is up with everybody and my structure today sef …. As I sighed
Well when I was done with the mechanic… I started heading home and one bagger tried to over-take me roughly and in a fit of anger I screamed… *you will die eventually but die alone na ahahn (note that if you haven’t used a foul language while driving in Lagos.. u haven’t started driving) … and the driver replied….you will burn.. Thunder fire you… see as you resemble broom sef, better go and eat …….as he zoomed off “shuuu who did I offend today? I asked myself.
anyways I forgot the incident and headed home…. I slotted in the Indian movie I got some days back… and the next scene I saw was of a guy with extremely large chests and abs, #no homo…blame the Indian move# take of his shirt and start running after a girl in slow-motion…. With their normal songs.
“ahahn…. Wt flip na…why did this idiot remove his shirt sef…pfft some guys can be stupid sha” I refused to admit I was jealous, naah I still stand to the fact that the guy was just foolish, I switched off the tv as I went to have my bath….. I was cleaning up when I actually stared at the mirror to really study my structure and actually looked at myself for the first time in ages.. ……
You see don’t get me wrong, I love myself the way I am o.. I will still argue that I am hotter than fire… but all the people I spoke to today had a point, I thought as I stared at my sexy but skinny and abbless structure….. I knew what I was going to do… I was gonna hit the gym, I smiled in determination, yes that was what I needed.. I am gonna go hit the gym, I am gonna get BUFF..
Will continue someday….. BTW all the pictures used were souced from Google….can’t b sued at this critical moment..
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