Umm…. I have nothing to rant about I guess, but Who else noticed the fact that days are going super fast, I am starting to feel super old already… Happy new year in advance though…anyways moving on…. Read..

Last month , I wasnt gonna speak 2 her, then she calls me and speaking to her is all I wanna do. I know she is not right for me,  but for some reason I just want her. I try keeping my feelings in check but when I am with her everything just seems right, and self control is the last thing On my mind.

Don’t get it wrong,  it wasn’t like I didn’t know other girls but this one was perfect. I wanted just her.

My brain knows am being silly but my heart says I wanna be around her,  I wanna gain her trust,  I wanna get into her head and I have to force myself to Remember She has a bf u dufus,  but that doesn’t seem to work.

I feel a pang of pain reserved for when people are stabbed everytime she says something silly like I don’t want this,  I don’t wanna let u in,  I don’t wanna kiss u,  I don’t like u as much, can’t we just be friends? it’s a pity crying cannot come naturally to me. I probably would have when she hurls hurtful words at me.
I can’t tell you everything she says,  it makes me weak .

I am normally not this way, I try to tell myself that, I try to tell myself she dosnt care,  I try to be An ass but she dosent leave. Instead she asks what’s wrong?  U don’t wanna speak to me again? She hugs me and says Pls don’t let this end.

Then I look into her eyes and I see she cares about me,  yes maybe she cares about me as much as I care about her.  Then the whole process starts again,  I try, I really do but I just can’t deny the fact,  I want her. Is this an obsession I ask myself. Neeh my friends tell me am probably just jazzed, this is vodoo.

Then I chill with her again and realize, I genuinely like this gal,  more than my heart can bear.

I tell her I love her but she says,  I have a boyfriend and I love him. This had gone on for years,  but I stayed beside her without fail,  I would have gone to the other end of this world for her,  I would have done anything to gain her trust,  and the unfortunate part was that she knew, but she preferred her boyfriend who hit her, who treated her with disregard and looked at her like a piece of meat.

But I stayed beside her,  waiting because I knew one day she was gonna see reason. She was gonna choose me.  I knew this, the heavens knew I knew this.

Well now am sitting at a wedding,  her wedding,  to her boyfriend,  who is now gonna be her husband..
It’s a glamorous event actually,  no expenses spared but that was the last thing on my mind as I watched her say her vows.

My friends and family had given up,  after embarking on various interventions for me. They all felt I was a sorry case,  this is now spiritual they say to each other.

They kidnapped me and dumped me with a pastor last month,  he starved me for 2weeks casting out demons,  pfft this is science, nothing spiritual,    I loved her,  I wanted her and was gonna get her I told them all.

They looked At me and agreed I was insane and let me be.

I saw her the night before the wedding,  she held me and cried on my shoulders,  I love you I swear,  but I love Him more,  Its a pity I Met him first,  i am sorry we feel this way about each other, i am sorry I cannot be fully yours  but I choose him she says, I choose him, and I am gonna marry him..

I feel like I have being stabbed, I feel I should die, every thing spins,  breathing is hard  but I at least she loves me I say to myself,  I heard her voice on repeat that night… I choose him!!

I drift off in slumber,  I swear to myself am not gonna go to the wedding but she calls me and says it will mean alot to her if I am there and hangs up.
There is still hope I said as I dressed up.

That’s how I ended up At this wedding,   that’s how it had always been anyway,  all she had to do was call me,  and I went running to her.  I see the bestlady giving me inviting eyes but she looks like venom to me,  infact all girls do,  I know what I want and shes standing there getting married.

After the wedding I don’t hear from her, I called her a lot but she didn’t pick her calls. She changed addresses, and I tried in vain to find her,  she clearly was avoiding me and I was loosing it, I needed to hear her voice, that was my addiction ..

Then when I was at the brink of deterioration my phone rings and I hear her voice in tears,  she asks me to come over that she needs me… She tells me her new address. The fact that she’s in tears gave me a boost of adrenaline,  I drive as fast as I Can,  that idiot must have hurt her again.. He would have Me to deal with i say to myself…

I get take the house as she opens up the door,  I can see she’s hysterical,  he’s dead she says,  I killed him,  I killed my husband…

Without blinking I know he’s at fault,  I tell her to go get changed and I was gonna handle it, I had to get her out of this mess is all I can think of.

I go to the body,  I see he has being stabbed On the chest. His face showed he sufferd tremendously, I remove the knife as I get to work cleaning up the mess.

Then the door opend up. She comes in as I was wrapping up the body,  my clothes and hands bloody,  but she’s not alone…

She’s with two tough looking policemen, He killed my husband she said,  as I stood in shock. They didn’t even ask questions, I tried getting up but I was tackled brutally.

The whole thing was a blur. Papers had a field day,  obsessed friend kills husband..  Insane man butchers husband.

My sentence was quick,  I was to Die by hanging,  no lawyer was even needed to touch my case,  actually all lawyers avoided my case,  they all called it a career ending case, the evidence was all there.

I still couldn’t believe nor understand it,  it happened so fast.  On the day before I was supposed to die,  I had a visitor, it was her,  she explained the whole scenerio. A final jab,  her husband had a trust which was worth millions, everything was to go to her,  I just happened to be the fall guy and she never loved either of us.

I studied her as she spoke, I looked beyond her glamour,  she wasn’t pretty, she had cold eyes and she looked very senile.

You were both just means to an end… Her eyes were so cold, I couldn’t even see a flicker of love or pity.

She said I was like a flee who wouldn’t let go. The way you tried was disgusting and pathetic ,  you are worse than a dog she says, even worse than a fly attracted to poo,  all I had to do was flick my fingers and u would have laid down your life for me. The fact that you felt I would have dated such a spineless mistake of a man like you makes me wanna stab myself.

This was even worse than dying. I couldn’t even speak, I watched as she walked off, the way she swayed her hips made me shudder. Now I start to wonder why I actually loved her. 

The priest shakes his head as he takes in my story.  I can see pity in his eyes, my mother didn’t believe me, I didn’t expect him to either…

Any other thing before the execution son he asked,  no I said. Okay then he replied,  let me pray for you son… No I say,  as I close my eyes and go on my knees, pray for her as well…